15 Sex Shop Employees Reveal the Weirdest Sh*t a Customer Has Done

Working in a sex shop is already a pretty unconventional job that comes with some strange responsibilites.

When you throw in the weird customers that come in and start jerkin' it all over the place, you have both an unconvential and now uncomfortable responsibilities.

Don't believe us? Just listen to the people over at /r/AskReddit.

1. dnmSeaDragon:

Only worked at one for a few months, but I remember one guy was walking around looking at the porn DVDs and started jerking off, I looked up cause I heard weird noises, and as I did he stopped, but his hand stayed in his pants motionless, kinda trying to hide it. I looked down at the inventory paperwork I was doing and he started right up again. We had monitor down below the counter that I could see out of the corner of my eye and sure enough he was jerkin it. I looked up at him, cleared my throat kinda loud, and before I could even say anything the guy up and ran out the door.

2. bugkiss:

OH BOY, I've been waiting for this! I have a ton of stories but this is by far one of the most bizarre.

A bit of background: So the shop I work in has a video arcade which is just a long hallway full of booths for watching porn. We have security cameras in the hallway (not in the booths) so we can see if anything fishy is going down.

Cut to me working graveyard trying hard to make sales goal. It's a pretty dead night with just a few dudes in the arcade. I'm chilling at the counter just being bored when a customer walks in and he is immediately weird, but most people coming into a sex shop at 3 am are. He looks normal enough, young guy, not bad looking. However he's twitchy, possibly on something, and making really awkward flirtatious jabs at me. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before and usually when someone is acting weird I find some way to get them out of the shop but I'm just desperate for that sales commission at this point and this guy is putting stuff on the counter that would add up to like a 200 dollar sale. So I bite my tongue and ring him up with just the bare minimum pleasantries.

As he's checking out he asks to add an arcade ticket to his purchase. I ring him up for that as well and offer to hold his purchase up at the counter for him. He heads back there as I'm finishing bagging his stuff and putting back the items he decided he didn't need. It's not long before I start to hear some kind of rustling and commotion in the back so I decide to check the cameras. This dude is straight up running up and down the hallways with his shirt off and tied around his neck. I watch him keep going for a bit before I decide to head back there.

The cameras really didn't do him justice, seeing this man cringe under the beam of my flashlight in the dark arcade hallway was a sight to behold. He apparently had been sliding around the floor on his bare belly and he had all kinds of crap just clinging to his chest and stomach that he picked up from the floor. He also held one of the merchandising hooks we stored in the back in his hand looking like he was ready to fight someone. All I could manage to say was "What the shit are you doing?" And his response in the most bizarrely casual tone was "Some guy asked me to show him my dick and I'm not cool with that." I calmly told him to put the hook down, put his fucking shirt back on, and get out. And the strangest thing is that he did! Right away! He left so normally, picked up his purchase, and even hit me with a cheery "have a nice night!" On the way out!

Now the BEST PART is something I apparently missed at the time. One of the guys who was also in the arcade at the time came up to me to tell me later how TRULY weird that guy was. He was indeed sliding around on the bare floor on his belly, but also while yelling to everyone in the arcade: "I'm a walrus I'm a walrus come and get me I'm a walrus!! Anybody got a wet floor because I need one!!"

Luckily I've never seen that guy in the shop again. I've got a million other weird things that have happened to me there but the walrus story is one of my faves.

tl;dr: Guy in video arcade slides around on dirty ass floor on his bare belly screaming about how he's a walrus and how he needs a wet floor.

3. NissanSkylineGT-R:

Fucked the display ass.

There are some things people should not fuck with, and a fake ass on display is one of them.

4. kharmatika:

Ah gosh, I think the worst ive ever had was this dude who tried to hit on me by implying his dick was big but he was shopping for ways to make it bigger. Like he'd be like "my girlfriend isn't happy with my penis, she says it's only 9 inches and she wants 10, how can I fix that?" And then he finally asked if I wanted to hookup and I said no, and then he like, touched my arm and I said "don't fucking touch me, you can get the fuck out of my store" and as he's leaving, he turns and is like "so my girlfriend wants me to last longer, if I'm lasting 3 hours, will cockrings help?" Bruh was still trying.

5. SpaceFone:

Finally one I actually have a story, or three, for! I worked for a super sketchy smoke shop for over a year. The kind of shop that was selling spice under the counter after each ban at the owners discretion. Anyways, we had an entire wall of dildos. Just floor to ceiling vibes, dildos, and all sorts of other goodies. Well when we sold one there was obviously no returns for sanitary reasons, which meant I got the strange task of putting some batteries in fake dongs so the customer knew what they were in for before their purchase.

This practice attracted some real fucking weirdos as you might imagine. One in particular being a group of intoxicated middle aged ladies who went through the aforementioned process and then stepped out into the parking lot, hopped in their car that was right in front of our camera, and pounded away with that thing with their feet up on the dash.

There's so much that happened to me while working there that it feels like a fever dream to reminisce. Saw a dude get bitten by a wolf dog, we accidentally hit the silent alarm button, I cleaned out a bathroom that the owner lived it and barricaded shut that was filled with meth pipes and company t-shirts he creatively used as toilet paper, and we endured the meth heads and death threats on a weekly basis.

7/10

6. AriaLynn:

Had a customer call asking if we had anything for adult baby fetish, like pacifiers/diapers I guess? Not my cup of tea but hey we don't judge. It got weird when he started telling me he had baby blue eyes, blonde curly hair and a yellow diaper and I had a very motherly voice and asked if I would change his diaper. I politely declined. He then proceed to ask what color panties I was wearing, when I declined to say he offered to buy them. While the little devil on my shoulder wondered how much i could get for them, I declined the offer again and told him I had to go. He said he had one more question. If he came in could I please change his diaper. Click. He was so sincere and serious the whole time and I managed to hold my laughter til I hung up. It was one of the few moments that I was actually rolling on the floor holding my side crying in laughter. I almost needed MY diaper changed. (Don't really wear diapers of course)

7. Wildroses2009:

My grandmother and her entire lawn bowls team once went into a sex shop to kill some time between matches purely because they were all curious and had never been in one before.

According to her the girl behind the counter was pretty weirded out. A bunch of little old ladies in lawn bowl uniforms were not the typical browsing customers and she just didn't know how to react as they wandered around loudly commenting on the "blow up thing."

8. pheosang:

Had an overweight black lady try to return a dildo once for being too firm. She didn't even have it in a box or anything. Just flopped it on the counter inside a gallon size ziploc bag.

9. Strangeboy31:

Dude brought a used butt plug back asking for a smaller replacement.

10. DLthug:

I used to work at a sex shop in Detroit. This guy used to come in all the time and would toe the line of what was acceptable. We finally had to ban him because he came in one day and started sucking off all of the dildos. We tried to physically stop him but he was a pretty big guy and would stiff arm us while he kept on sucking on dildos. We finally were able to cold cock (lol) him in the head and he got knocked out with the dildo still in his mouth. We dragged him out on to 8 mile and threw the dildo at his slumped over body.

11. librbmc:

I was a bouncer at a sex shop strip place combo, when they needed extra help. There was a guy who came in once a week like every week about 9pm and got a lady to stomp on his nuts in her stripper heels. I mean full speed for a while. One of the girls who became sort of his favorite told me all about it. He would tip very large on top

12. biggiantporky:

I don't work in one, but my friend who owns one in Hong Kong once told me a story of a woman who came in one day and was literally using every type of dildo on herself to see which one gave her the most pleasure. My mate never stopped her for some reason, but she at least payed for the dildo she wanted.

13. Ma_mumble_grumble:

I had a guy order some super dirty movie & didn't leave his info to call him to say it'd come in. Ok, no problem, he comes in at least once a week. So, next week, he comes in, I recognize him & metion his movie came in. He full on freaks out. Runs out like some old black & white movie freak out. & my boss fusses at me b/c I "just chased off one of our best customers." I took the guy's order, I knew what it was when he ordered it & didnt judge him a bit.

Also, ppl like to come in & buy the biggest suction cup dong we carried & stick them on ppl's cars as pranks, on coffee tables anywhere tons of other ppl will see it & it embarrasses said target.

14. ermoon:

A customer insisted that I process a return on non-sex toy item right away, which wasn't required for the refund. I begrudgingly follow through and he bolts - my ganglia is on high alert. Scanning - the floor looks alright, the counter looks ok. Apprehension builds as I flip the item over to inspect it and sure as shit my fingers are in well-placed human feces, smeared across the bottom. For a bonus, I'd been covering shifts for 24 hours, and had worked a double 6 hours before the 24. There was a lot I liked about the job but almost immediately I discovered that no one had replaced the soap we were out of, and that my boss whose shifts I'd been covering had lied about their kid being hospital-level sick and was out drinking with friends. If anyone needs to know, I coped by locking up and boiling my hands at a place down the road, and smoked a joint and reevaluated my immediate future. I texted my boss that I quit and why, and didn't reveal which item in the stack of returns was the shat-upon one. I like to think it had to be sniffed out.

15. smithichie:

I had a guy ask if we had anything with goats, I told him no he asked about llamas. The weirdest though was the guy who exited the video booth naked covered in his own shit, I can still see the shit footprint trail he left.