13 Tweets That'll Make You Piss Your Pants (If You're Seriously On The Verge)

الاثنين، 30 أبريل 2018

13 Tweets That'll Make You Piss Your Pants (If You're Seriously On The Verge)

1. YouTube's not all bad.

I asked my 10 yr daughter to clean her room and I can hear her watching a "how to sweep" tutorial.
-- Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) April 26, 2018

2. It's about time we start a dialogue.

Why is nobody talking about how Sia is just Hulk Hogan's mustache? pic.twitter.com/vbV1FjklA5
-- Octopus/Caveman (@OctopusCavemann) April 26, 2018

3. Sign me up!

someone: what's twitter like
me: pic.twitter.com/ExZdis8bSJ
-- gay inch rest (@missunitedface) April 26, 2018

4. We are human compost machines.

did you ever just eat something because your mouth was closer than the garbage?
-- Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) April 26, 2018

5. Epic Wayne at it again.

pic.twitter.com/KQc8BH4v5p
-- wint (@dril) April 26, 2018

6. Can't argue with any of these.

Things that get more awesome when you add the word "electric" in front of them:

Car
Guitar
Eel
Light Orchestra
Toothbrush
Avenue
Boogaloo

Things that get less awesome:

Slide
Bill
Chair
-- Adam Wagner (@thewaggrocrag) April 25, 2018

7. You got the animals there on a technicality.

If you're being chased by an animal, just lay on the ground for 5 seconds. The 5 second rule will prevent the animal from eating you.
-- LifeAdviceLamp (@life_lamp) September 30, 2016

8. Ow fuck it's true.

If you stare at this picture more than 5 secs a cut appears on your top lip pic.twitter.com/mWu8y1kOlR
-- Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) April 26, 2018

9. Cherry by Halls, to be specific.

Him: You smell nice. What is that?

Me: [twirling my hair] Cough drops
-- Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) October 8, 2017

10. Somebody @ Neil DeGrasse Tyson and ask whats up with this shit.

my favorite thing is waking up naturally in the morning before my alarm goes off and feeling amazing only to accidentally fall back asleep and wake up again, this time feeling like i was hit by a bus
-- Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) April 26, 2018

11. MY LIMES

the one time i ever went to diceys i ordered a desperados and asked for a lime slice with it and the barman gestured to a pint glass full of lime slices but i was so drunk that i poured my bottle into the pint glass and started sipping away and then the barman shouted 'my limes!'
-- liam mac (@prince_n0kia) April 26, 2018