13 Computer Techs Share The Most Bizarre Things Found On Peoples Comps

When your job is literally snooping through peoples personal computers to find errors and solutions to their problems, you just KNOW you're gonna stumble upon some weird shit every so often. And yes, often times that weird stuff is porn. Weird, weird, mental-scarring type of porn. We know you were already thinking it. Sometimes it's other crazy stuff, though. Here's some of the other bizarre shit computer techs found (ok and some porn):

1. magicscreenman -- I like that this man's solution to everything is probably liquid butter. 

I have a buddy who works IT. One of the best stories he has ever shared was about a person who didn't know there was an eject button for floppy disks and ended up pouring liquid butter into the disk drive so that he could lubricate it enough to rip it out with a pair of pliers. As the guy was explaining all this, my friend snatched the floppy from his hand and popped it into the drive. The guy immediately started freaking out since it took him like two hours to pry the fucker out. My friend just hit the eject button and stood there holding the floppy disk right in front of his face as the guy looked back and forth between the disk and the computer like "...Are you fucking serious?"

2. Crustythefart -- Well that is certainly unexpected. 

User departing the firm, recent manager in her late twenties, asks to retrieve her personal images. She traveled a lot to tropical places and han an entire folder dedicated to candid photos of guys junk in swimsuits.

3. k3nada -- Holy hell, how is that person a teacher? 

I do IT support for a school and had a teacher call me one day as 17 of the Laptops the students use all stopped working at the same time, the teacher claimed that we must have rolled out an update that had broken all the machines so was irate that we fix what we did now!! As she couldn't teach without tiem

Only when I got ahold of the Laptops which did I learn the teacher had them all working outside on a rainy day studying weather etc.

4. IcarasFlyingHigh -- Oh is that weird. 

Soooooo much hentai. Hentai desktop, hentai videos, hentai games, hentai manga, hentai pictures. He brought it in because he thought he had a virus. I was polite and didn't really react or say anything when I first saw the desktop wallpaper. I still can't believe somebody can be so nonchalant about such a massive porn collection.

5. Commodore_Wiley -- The lies involved in these are the best. 

Mud. A student brought in a laptop that wouldn't power on. I removed the bottom of the laptop and found a thin layer of mud in it. The student couldn't provide any explanation as to why it was there of course, because she swore she treated just as she was supposed to.

6. Addict1912 -- Yeah I'd handle that one with gloves. 

One of my older customers had a saved book mark for 'Dungeon porn'. The laptop was always overly greasy. Went through a bottle of hand sanitiser every time I delta with him

7. laterdude -- Gotta keep those files so you never forget. 

This was back in the late '90s and the dude had a folder marked "Jerks, Douchebags and Assholes" so I had some free time and investigated. He literally kept files on every piece of celebrity misconduct he unearthed. Thanks to him, I learned John Lennon beat his wife way ahead of everyone else.

8. Cunt_Bucket_ -- Was your client perhaps....Dr. Phil? 

1,200 Dr. Phil memes.

9. blofly -- Tomorrow's forecast: CUM

Mid-late 90s. I was the Apple tech for a small, local dial-up ISP.

One of the local TV station weather guys was having major issues trying to get his dialup to work, and I was having trouble diagnosing it over the phone, so I offered to get it fixed for him if he brought in his machine. He left it at our shop for me to fix, and he picked it up the next day.

SO...MUCH...PORN.

He wasn't even trying to hide it. He must have been using the station's multiple T1s to download it, because the files were massive (for the time).

I got his issue fixed, and he was happy. Only a select few of my other techs knew about it.

He is now the major elder TV weatherman in our city.

You keep rocking, Balls-of-steel Bob...

10. lord_heimdal -- This sounds horrifying and I am grateful they did not include a pic.

The absolute worst was wen I was at my first job. I was around 16 and worked with an older 21 year old girl who was teaching me a lot. One day a customer walks in with an old PC that looked heavy, I took it to the back of the store and went back to the customer to ask a few questions when we suddenly hear my coworker scream really loud. There was a cockroach but it didn't looked normal, look up a Madagascar cockroach and ugh, disgusting thing but whatever, killed it and moved on with work. A few minutes later there was another one but we couldn't figure out where they were coming from until we opened the PC and we found it infested, there was this huge nest of them...

Still have nightmares about it, disgusting.

11. dramboxf -- This person sounds...problematic. 

1. Thousands of photographs of creepy dolls. Like, tens of thousands, and of different creepy dolls;
2. Hundreds of tiny postage-stamp sized pictures of women's toes. (Assuming female toes; they all had scarlet-red tonenail polish.) All the pictures appeared to be consensual as in they were posed, but obviously amateur;
3. Enough bookmarks to white supremacy and anti-Semitic sites to choke a Clydesdale;
4. Several hundred GB (back when disk space wasn't cheap at all) of gay porn. It's bizarre only because the person that owned the PC was loudly, virulently anti-gay. (Obviously, later, I realized he was one of those self-hating types -- he later did come out, but when I found the files it was a serious WTF moment. Especially since it was on a work pc.)

12. Ls2323 -- Maybe the bugs were just tryin' to print stuff. 

I once opened up an HP inkjet printer that wasn't working. Inside I found all the tiny wires has been cut into tiny pieces a few mm long. It was as if someone has simply cut them with scissors into lots of small pieces. I also found insect remains and put 2 and 2 together, so concluded some weird African insects (this was in Africa) has crawled in there and being attracted to the power in the wires had proceeded to cut them into pieces. Told client to throw out the printer. I mean, WTF.

13. Sethor -- I don't wanna kink shame, but I really feel it's warranted in this instance. 

From a friend who was working in a computer shop a few years ago. Guy had an issue with his computer running slow. My friend looks through it, discovered there's a fair number of movies (I hesitate to call it porn) on the guy's machine, all of people driving nails into themselves, scrotums and breasts mostly. Small nails, big nails, with various sizes of hammers, some even nailing themselves, or getting nailed, to pieces of wood. He said it all seemed consensual though, but all the techs in the shop had a very WTFastic afternoon.

from CollegeHumor: Pictures https://ift.tt/2K39pD5