Being a teenager can be......hard. Dicks have their function but if you have one you know that they could be ticking timebombs that spring up and ruin your life at the worst possible moment. The nice people at AskReddit had people share their best awkward boner stories and they delivered. Without further ado, please enjoy:
1. TheManWhoHasThePlan wasn't as slick as he'd hoped:
When I was a freshman in high school I had on adidas windbreakers and had a boner, unfortunately my name was called next to go up in front of the class for my presentation. So real quickly I tried the old tuck the boner up under your boxers/pants waistline seam so it's not making a tent. While I was giving the presentation I used a hand movement to show something up high which lifted my shirt up enough where my penis head was showing like a turtle head sticking out of a shell. The collective gasp/laughs of the room was all I needed to know that most of the class just saw my dick head.
2. PM-ME-XBOX-LIVE-GOLD is the first person in a hospital who actually WANTED to die:
I was 13. Being checked out for growth problems by a female doctor. She had me lay on the table while in a hospital gown. She was oldish, salt and pepper hair, large glasses. She started by listening to my breathing and examining my top half, as I felt her working her way down I got the most awkward boner and apologized. She assured me it was totally normal for my age and that I shouldn't be embarrassed. She waited a few minutes for things to...calm down. She went under the gown to examine my testicle size.... She lightly touched my bag and I came on her hand... She also said it's normal and I shouldn't be embarrassed but I straight up just wanted to die.... From that point on I masturbated before anymore appointments.
3. ConneryFTW was sunk by his dick:
I was on the swim team in middle school. The team was coed, and during practice I was standing above my crush on the diving block while she was in the pool. We were chatting a bit, she had just finished her laps, and I was about to dive in. I guess her swim suit had gotten tight as she swam, so she went to pull out the top of her suit in order to loosen it. From my perspectiveaboveher, I essentially got a quick glance of her entire chest. At 13 years old, this would have been great, except she certainly noticed that I noticed. I want to believe that I was coy, but I really doubt it. To make matters worse I was wearing a tight bathing suit myself. We probably just stared at each other for the longest five seconds of my life, before I heard the coach call for me to dive in the pool and finish my laps.
Needless to say, a had a bit of extra drag for my 100m free style. The worst part I was definitely supposed to switch to the backstroke after the first fifty yards. But my crush was still in the lane, and I kinda made an executive decision not to flip over directly in front of her. I was embarrassed enough with a rudder, I definitely didn't need (generous metaphor) a sail.
4. TheBeardMaestro's dick gave him the business:
Happened on my first 'official' date. We're about to get up from our table at the restaurant and ol' Jonny decides to come out of nowhere. Told her I had to reply to an important work email, even though I was 15 and she knew I didn't have a job, nor was I in the process of applying to one.
5. Tiny-Unicorn saw ungodly things:
Not me, I'm a girl, but I witnessed one.
It was just before Easter and my church youth group was doing Living Stations of the Cross (acting out the gospel reading of Jesus being crucified).
It was towards the end and the guy playing Jesus had been taken off the cross and was laying on the floor of the altar, covered by a white sheet.
I think we were all singing a song. I was standing behind him, pretending to look sorrowful. I noticed the sheet moving a bit near his crotch. He quickly brought both of his knees up so he wasn't laying flat anymore.
Afterwards he told everyone that his legs were falling asleep.
TLDR: kid playing dead Jesus got a boner in front of the entire church.
6. HarkerBarker dick came to life at his grandma's funeral:
I was like 13. My grandma has recently died and my entire family had to go to the funeral. My pants were REALLY tight and you could see like everything. So during the service, this (good looking) woman sat RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! So when I started to feel the movement of my penis, I got a little scared. Then, out of nowhere, the fucking funeral conductor asks everyone to stand up. But since I had a raging boner, I decided to stick my ass to the seat. Now my grandma in heaven knows that I care about my dick more than her.
7. Thidareddit's classmate got into a bus accident:
Whilst I've had my fair share of embarrassing boners, the worst boner debacle I've ever seen happened to a kid from my school on the bus. Basically he and his friend were standing on a cramped bus, and then the bus jolted and the kid's erect penis slammed hard into his friend's behind and right at that moment the bonerboy let out an accidental suggestive moan. The pandemonium that followed was majestic, the friend shouted that this guy had a boner and all the kids from my school began to chant 'BONER!'.
He had the most mortified expression on his face. It was funny af tho.
8. gowronatemybaby7 is a real lover of theatre:
Had to do the ol' waistband tuck right before walking out on stage for the first time as a 12 yearold in the middle school production of Anne of Green Gables.
9. FangerBoar was TOO alert:
MCRD San Diego in the Recruit Separation Platoon being sent home for medical reasons. I was 19 at the time and was sleeping in my rack surrounded by about 40 other guys, all asleep except the firewatch. We all woke up to the usual screaming of the DI and I had a nice case of morning wood, first time it happened while I was there.
I sat up and proceeded to immediately nut in my shorts. These were thin, cheap fabric shorts reminiscent of 70's basketball shorts. While everyone else hit the line I had to quickly change and my rack mate stated the reason I wasn't on the line was "Sir! Recruit FangerBoar was too excited to hear your voice and needed to change, sir!"
10. LewisRyan has seen too many pornos:
Pizza delivery, you know how awkward it is to walk up to a house holding pizza and an erection? Its bad, made it worse when the girl asked if it came with the food.
11. notagoat1 is not a good hider:
I was swimming in a pool with some friends, one of whom I had a crush on. I usually have a gopro with me to document possible shenanigans. All of them decided it would be fun to try to get the gopro from me, so naturally I hide it in the pocket of my swim trunks. Now, I've had a boner the entire time this is happening so putting it in my pocket wasn't the best idea. My crush found out where the camera was and reached into my pocket. She did not grab the camera. I pulled myself away and hoped she couldn't tell the difference between a penis and a gopro.
12. BristlelikeFolly will remember this boner for the rest of their life:
My husband had a boner in our wedding photo.
from CollegeHumor: Pictures https://ift.tt/2r4fy9n
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