10 Funny Tweets To Start Your Day Off Right

الثلاثاء، 19 يونيو 2018

10 Funny Tweets To Start Your Day Off Right

Twitter can be a rough place - there's lots of harrassment, Nazis, threats, and general arguing and drama that you find in most places online. But also? Some pretty funny people, making some pretty funny tweets. Here are some of the best ones lately:

1. This alien hunt is turning into a witch hunt!

Ripley: I was attacked by an alien.
Men: How do we know you're not just saying this to get attention?
Ripley: It murdered my entire crew.
Men: We'd like to hear the alien's side of this.
Ripley: ...
Men: It's getting to the point where *good* xenomorphs are afraid to even hatch.
-- Lilah Sturges will be at SDCC doing panels (@lilah_sturges) June 16, 2018

2. Listen - the business runes don't lie.

ONCE AGAIN REMOVED FROM THE BUSINESS MEETING FOR SAYING "THE GRAVE COMES FOR US ALL" WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE TIMELINE FOR MY PROJECT'S COMPLETION
-- NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) June 18, 2018

3. Still, would be nice to get rid of those Nazis.

Life is good pic.twitter.com/nYtCSdzIV0
-- Jacob Shamsian (@JayShams) June 17, 2018

4. Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?

I saw a strip club across the street from a minigolf place and I'm liberal but that's too much for me. What if you're just trying to have a nice afternoon with your family then your kids look across the street and have to see a bunch of losers playing minigolf?
-- Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) June 16, 2018

5. 1st largest American Smurf collection guy DEFINITELY was getting laid that night.

Last night I went to hook up with this guy from grindr and when I got there he insisted we do this in his spare bedroom that houses his.. 2nd largest in America Smurf collection... I was too high and had to leave pic.twitter.com/9yUNrA8Qk3
-- ??? (@HYDUUKEN) June 14, 2018

6. Pickituppickituppickituppickitup

I once heard Ska described as "what plays in a 13-year-old kid's head when he gets extra mozzarella sticks" and nothing in this world is more accurate.
-- F, Marry, Abraham (@NeverOnBrand) June 18, 2018

7. Oh....OH SHIT.

Don't fucking mess with this crab pic.twitter.com/LtfjgOcVSy
-- Peanut butter is smooth for your back (@CoryWalloch) June 15, 2018

8. Please dude. You were born for this day.

it's 90 degrees out. this is your moment, my guy. if not now, when ? pic.twitter.com/4jZ0ndrxov
-- kevin shark (@boynamedshark) June 18, 2018

9. 2018 is a pretty weird year.

I can't believe there's a President who has sex with porn stars and wants a space army and I still hate him.
-- With Karms Wide Open (@IanKarmel) March 13, 2018