15 Tweets That Will Keep You Company While You Poop

Let's be honest: In all likelihood you're currently pooing and looking for something to distract yourself from the weird sounds your body is making. Let this article be that distraction. We rounded up 15 of the best tweets from the past couple of days for your pooping pleasure. Enjoy! 

1. A lot can change in 10 years: 

from "yes sir, i'll bring her home by 7pm" to "your daughter calls me daddy too" pic.twitter.com/qJQJMW4xSW

-- ana saw infinity war and died (@rdjcoldplay) April 30, 2018

2. It'd work for a dating app called Settlr too: 

MILLION DOLLAR TECH IDEA: Welp, the version of Yelp that just points you to a nearby restaurant bc you've given up on food, life, everything

-- Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 1, 2018

3. At least he didn't say "To a whale of a wife":

wife: your obsession with quoting homer simpson is tearing this family apart, we're leaving
me: [through muffled sobs] D'oh

-- Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) May 1, 2018

4. Well I never:

why does my dog look like an appalled butler in a british sitcom pic.twitter.com/FULzmankpk

-- Lauren Flans (@LaurenFlans) May 2, 2018

5.  Now I know my ABCs: 

"Can you tell me what the second to last letter in the alphabet is?"
"Y"
"So I can make a stupid joke"

-- Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) March 18, 2018

6. Think of how many notifications you'd get:

pic.twitter.com/K79ndGrsXT

-- Rebecca Cohen (@GynoStar) May 2, 2018

7. We promise this will be the only tweet related to Kanye:

kanye's daily routine now:
-wake up
-share a 4-year-old meme from a facebook group called "flat earth, big hearts, good vibes"
-make a flip-flop out of silly putty and slap a $5k price tag on it
-lunch with david duke
-text "abe lincoln was a republican" to every contact in phone

-- Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) May 1, 2018

8. Gandalf > Dumbledore

GANDALF: gay icon, lit at parties, likes trees, 420, answers questions, solid advice, cares abt friends, incredible, pet moth, hangs out w eagles

DUMBLEDORE: wont give real answers, kicks ur shin & convinces u its 4 the greater good, glasses could be fake, chaotic neutral @ best

-- pads (@gryffsirius) April 30, 2018

9. Goals:

"where do you see yourself in 5 years?" pic.twitter.com/j40wRCl6GI

-- tu ángel (@silkenheart) April 29, 2018

10. This is cultural a-Poke-reation:

Umm my culture is not ur prom dress pic.twitter.com/8RgYy6IDKt

-- Dallas MacDermant (@theSupremeRk9s) April 29, 2018

11. TWIST:

I keep that mf THANG on me pic.twitter.com/FR9VnmXo9m

-- lesss (@lezsss) May 1, 2018

12. People misunderstanding algorithims is always funny: 

This app will never be defeated. pic.twitter.com/6tLgNXikhJ

-- L (@ffslluke) May 1, 2018

13. Who among us wouldn't do the same:

I'm late to work cuz I followed this dog for 3 blocks in the wrong direction pic.twitter.com/OmgiWyQZqm

-- Paris (@sweatingalready) April 30, 2018

14. Girls > Guys:   

drunk girls at bars: ok, listen britney, it is britney right? ok listen britney. you. are a GODDESS. you're too good for any man. I love you and your cute top

drunk guys at bars: did you just fuckin breathe on me? fuckin breathe on me again bro gimme a reason to knock you out

-- gracie hoos (@cottoncandaddy) April 30, 2018

15. Happens everytime: 

Every time I think I've chosen the shortest checkout line, I end up stepping through a wall of verdant ferns that reveals a hidden cove

-- Mave (@MavenofHonor) April 8, 2018

 

from CollegeHumor: Pictures https://ift.tt/2HKPonm