14 Of The Most Unintentionally Funny Things Kids Have Said

When we're young, we don't know anything. We are just small blobs of human that need molding from our parents and teachers. In the molding process, our young dumb brains say unintentionally funny shit and luckily these people recalled some of the funnier instances.

1. mh3ubernard -- My dad deals drugs to sick, sick people

Had a friend who transported goods for a pharmaceutical company. He jokingly referred to it as "delivering drugs" in front of his 4 year old nephew. One day, the friend was supposed to pick his nephew up from daycare. His caretaker asked him conversationally what his uncle did for a living. Of course, the kid spouts off that his uncle delivered/sold drugs for a living. This did not go over well with the caretaker. She proceeded to call the mother, who burst out laughing before she could explain.

2. NotBillNyeScienceGuy -- Lady, get your lying ass outta here. 

My little brother (10) was telling a story about his friend "Jay" and himself to an older lady who is quite stiff about "kids these days".

Brother: "Me and 'Jay' were playing..."

Lady: "'Jay' and I"

Brother: "No, you weren't there."

Laughter erupts

3. Teh_Chap -- Son go to your room. 

I was explaining to my 4 year old son what muscles are and asked him to look at my biceps. He said "hold on I need to go get my magnifying glass." I didn't even know what to say and my wife is still laughing about it.

4. NeckroFeelyAck -- And the feet, papa? Where do the bury the feet?

'Dad what's that?'
'Thats a cemetery'
'Whats a cemetery?'
'Thats where they bury dead bodies'
'Oh' 

(A few minutes pass)

'Dad?'
'Yeah?'
'Where do they bury the heads?'

5. rogalporn -- But Helen prob hates your ass, too. 

My kid and me after a large blow out I had with my Ex wife over something stupid, our two daughters heard my ex unloading on about how she hates me and how terrible I am, and I knew when she gets like that I have to walk away she would say some pretty cutting things. Anyways i am angry and I go sit on the couch in the living room with the lights off. My 4 year old walks up to me 

L : Dad? No one likes you eh?

Me:Yeah I gathered... thanks.

L: Mommy doesn't Like you, I don't like you Helen(1.5yo) doesnt like you...

Me: Yeah Thanks.

L: HAHAHA I played a joke on you. I am kidding. I don't know what helen thinks.

6. scottydoeskno -- Some words are hurtful. 

I worked as a teacher's assistant for a year and I have a weird last name so I got the kids to call me Mr A if they couldn't pronounce it, but some kids still tried to say their interpretation of my name. One of the kids said, "Mr A im gonna start calling you mr avocado. Because i cant remember your last name, and i dont like avocado."

7. kingdeuceoff -- This kid just created the best pickup line. 

My wife and I take our children to see Santa in Macy's NYC. We have a five year old boy and a three year old girl.

We get on the elevator to go up and my son says to a twenty something girl as she gets on ...

"Hey girlfriend, do you wanna see my pokemon?"

8. Chiefdontrun17 -- He's like a bad Rainman. 

Driving through Iowa with my 5 year old. "There's like 100 corns here, daddy."

9. Caruthers -- I mean you could've argued, but we're glad you didn't. 

I could tell hundreds of stories from my camp counselor days 10 years ago or so, but one that will always stick out was when I had a group of 6-8 year olds on an exploration hike decently far into the woods, and one of the boys told me he needed to go to the bathroom.

"OK, Trevor," I asked, "do you know how to go to the bathroom outside?", questioning whether or not he understood to do his business out of view from the rest of the group, on a tree or something.

"Yeah," he assured me, while walking away, "I just take my peanutses out and go."

Couldn't argue with his answer.

10. daelight_tk -- I'd like to apply for the position of whaleman, please. 

I'm a mailman and one day a little girl came to the door to get the mail. She looked up at me with a big smile and said "thank you, whaleman!"

I spent the rest of the day thinking about how much more interesting of a job that would be.

11. angelasroses -- The City That Must Not Be Named 

I used to work in a preschool, and a little boy heard me say that one of my friends was visiting Baltimore. The kid immediately gasped and went "you aren't supposed to say his name!!" 

He thought that Voldemort was named Baltimore, and was horrified that someone I knew was visiting He Who Must Not Be Named. I didn't correct him.

12. twec21 -- Doesn't hurt to ask, though. 

Literally 5 seconds ago a little girl asked me "Are you Melissa?" I am a 250 pound bearded man. I am decidedly not Melissa

13. bedwelld -- Yo dad succ my nuts. 

As a child, my Brother didn't like peanuts. As a treat after dinner one Sunday we had Cornettos, my brother peeled the wrapper off and then turned to my Dad and said, "Daaaaaad, can you nibble my nuts off?"

My aunt wet herself laughing.

14. Princ3ssP3n3lop3 -- "One soup for the old-ass virgin loser."

We were bringing lunch to the teachers at school and my daughter announced that we made a special soup for Mr. S because he's a virgin. 

Mr. S is a vegan.

15. pinheadmaximus -- Hidden meats. 

Family went to Olive Garden restaurant. Waitress delivers the obligatory bowl of salad with the salad tongs.

I proceed to start mixing up the salad with the tongs.

My 4-year old daughter sits up and stares into the bowl and then looks up at me and asks, "What are you looking for?"

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