12 Very Funny Tweets from Very Funny People

Twitter can be a rough place - there's lots of harrassment, Nazis, threats, and general arguing and drama that you find in most places online. But also? Some pretty funny people, making some pretty funny tweets. Here are some of the best ones lately:

1. Smalltown America, where you'll probably get married to someone if you just hang around long enough

you ever just see people from your hometown that start dating and it's so random that you're like "damn ok they've really run out of people over there"

-- jodie (@jodieegrace) July 30, 2018

2. "I love movies....moving images, accompanied with sound. I love seeing characters say dialogue. The best."

has Tom Cruise seen a movie? pic.twitter.com/9Li0zAq1YB

-- Ryan Perez (@ryguyperez) July 30, 2018

3. The 90s were a much simpler time

There's a new Mission Impossible out this weekend so I just wanted to take this opportunity to point out that in the first one Tom Cruise, a superspy, is searching for a person named Max so he looks up "https://t.co/ppDD6DH2mx" pic.twitter.com/V3yabhzLxM

-- Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) July 30, 2018

4. ...and have a 1 in 20 chance of wild success, instead of our normal 0 in 20 chance.

DND allows you to play out even the most impossible fantasies, such as:

-Speaking multiple languages
-Traveling with friends
-Being Charismatic
-Waking up Early
-Having money

-- this is a FAMOUS ducktales blog now (@Bouuvine) July 29, 2018

5. This is a very important survey question, please answer honestly.

You are:

⚪️ gay

⚪️ straight

⚪️ bisexual

⚪️ asexual

🔘 my fire (number 2) the one desire (number 3) believe when I say (number 4) i want it that way. TELL ME WHY!?! ain't nothing but a heartache. TELL ME WHY!?! ain't nothing but a mistake (now number 5...)

-- b99 (@DailyBrooklyn99) July 28, 2018

6. Microsoft used to be SO metal before they sold out

Who doesn't remember when Microsoft toured with Pantera in 80-81 pic.twitter.com/TeYduuFUtl

-- Charles Finch (@CharlesFinch) July 28, 2018

7. The "uh" part is definitely correct.

me trying to flirt pic.twitter.com/2bGeL6sB9l

-- Alex Winters (@winterslex) July 29, 2018

8. Harry Potter and the Poorly-Plotted Franchise

Harry Potter and the Special Rock
Harry Potter and the Don't Room
Harry Potter and his Furry Crime Dad
Harry Potter and the Hot Cup
Harry Potter and the Warm Bird Club
Harry Potter and the Absolutely Nothing Happens
Harry Potter and the Curse of the Sidequests

-- Matt Ley (@Thelaserbearguy) July 28, 2018

9. To be fair, that button does LOOK like it would download something pretty cool.

pic.twitter.com/XZrcDiEoJW

-- non aesthetic things (@PicturesFoIder) July 28, 2018

10. The greatest crossover in film history

pic.twitter.com/xUevXXw9ck

-- Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) July 30, 2018

11. Finally, a reboot that would actually make sense in our modern times.

Knight Rider reboot where KITT is actually just an Uber driver named Kit who keeps getting dragged into adventures by Michael to keep his 5-star rating.

-- Les Orchard (@lmorchard) July 27, 2018

12. Spotify mobile, please....please don't do this.

Spotify w/o premium on a laptop: here's an ad. now you can listen to your music again! ☺️♥️🌸
Spotify w/o premium on a phone: you buffoon. you absolute fucking oaf. You wanted to listen to music?! I will make you buy premium if I have to throw your corpse into the river. u wi

-- joey🍍 (@rougaschmougas) July 25, 2018

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11 Tinder Rejections That Played Out To Perfection

Tinder and rejection go hand in hand. Whether you get swiped left or swiped right, but the convo falls off the face of the Earth, you're bound to run into disappointment at some point or another. These people felt the cold hand of rejection after some questionable pickup lines and shared their bad moments with the rest of the internet, which we thank them for.

1. Well, you could've been a 1/10, so there's that?

 flekie / Reddit.com

2. Yes and made of a very clingy material.

 ragerlager / Reddit.com

3. Sorry Kav, but you have wasted your super like.

OrangeJuicestice / Reddit.com

4. These burns are TOPICAL baby. 

markoviel / Reddit.com

5. Go and repent, sinner.

LarryByndon22 / Reddit.com

6. Your face throws off the mathematics. 

darkdevil101 / Reddit.com

7. A great point.

 KimDongIllest / Reddit.com

8. Fighting fire with fire.

 ADisconcertingSigh / Reddit.com

9. What just happened here?

gandheesarmee / Reddit.com

10. Oof well-played gg

 bgit / Reddit.com

11. How did this one turn out positive?

watch_u_smoke / Reddit.com

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11 Times The Sims Got Hilariously Out of Control

The Sims is a computer game that allowed you to build and control the lives of virtual people in Simsville. You could create their homes and have them start careers, relationships and families with one another. It sounds mundane, but holy Roly-poly did it provide countless hours of entertainment. 

Especially when then shit went off the rails. From strange glitches to visitations from the Grim Reaper to animals watching them do some nasty stuff in the bedroom, The Sims could get weird as fuck and we wouldn't want it any other way. 

---

1. MOMTHER GIVE THEM TO ME YOU SCREECHING BAbBEE.

via simsgonewrong

2. Shoot for the entree, even if you miss you'll still land among the appetizers. 

via pinterest

3. When did you stop loving me, Karl?

via breakinglestrade

4. "Don't worry, she's fine. The attention just encourages her."

via collide-with-my-heart

5. A little dog with a big dream. 

via pinterest

6. Wtf Grim? This is why we don't invite you to anything. 

via simsgonewrong

7. He'll be FINE. 

via knowyourmeme

8. What a loving adult baby-mother relationship. By the way, the safe word is orange. 

via simsgonewrong

9. What have I become, my sweetest friend?

via simsgonewrong

10. GET OVER HERE YOU SILVER MORSEL.

via verypenmuchjoneswow

11. Hunny, did you have an affair?

via pinterest

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14 Pops Who Are in Full Dad Mode

We all know that once you become a dad, you can never go back to a life without puns or bad jokes again. Your life is forever changed now that you live in that pair of jorts and laugh at the farts you blame on the dog. But we love you, dads of the world, even if you are just a walking stereotype. 

Also, for the love GOD pleast stop saying "Hi Hungry, I'm dad" when we tell you, our caretaker, that we need food. 

1. This is the best way to show off your proud dad bod. 

via amh404

2. You can hear the groans through the internet.. 

via pubity

3. Dad, please, we still have so much driving left to do. 

via Mechanicalmama

4. Just imagine what a protest for dads only would look like. 

svia pepsodont

5. I've never seen a man so ready for fatherhood. 

via naughtywater

6. I will knot stand for this tomfoolery inside a classroom!

via troyesivan

7. Real funny, but seriously dad the toilet is clogged. 

via Bonzai88

8. Ugh dad, this isn't funny, I wanted real drugs. 

via bigsavefurniture

9. *eye rolling intensifies* 

via glitter_box

10. Got your nose!

via petefirman

11. Which came first, the dad or the joke?

via dadjokes

12. Famous last words "good joke dad". 

via dadjokes

13. Hey, it the thought that counts. 

via TPWALW

14. Beware of cliff. 

via IdislikeSmallButts

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