13 Tweets That'll Make You Piss Your Pants (If You're Seriously On The Verge)

1. YouTube's not all bad.

I asked my 10 yr daughter to clean her room and I can hear her watching a "how to sweep" tutorial.

-- Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) April 26, 2018

2. It's about time we start a dialogue.

Why is nobody talking about how Sia is just Hulk Hogan's mustache? pic.twitter.com/vbV1FjklA5

-- Octopus/Caveman (@OctopusCavemann) April 26, 2018

3. Sign me up!

someone: what's twitter like
me: pic.twitter.com/ExZdis8bSJ

-- gay inch rest (@missunitedface) April 26, 2018

4. We are human compost machines.

did you ever just eat something because your mouth was closer than the garbage?

-- Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) April 26, 2018

5. Epic Wayne at it again.

pic.twitter.com/KQc8BH4v5p

-- wint (@dril) April 26, 2018

6. Can't argue with any of these.

Things that get more awesome when you add the word "electric" in front of them:

Car
Guitar
Eel
Light Orchestra
Toothbrush
Avenue
Boogaloo

Things that get less awesome:

Slide
Bill
Chair

-- Adam Wagner (@thewaggrocrag) April 25, 2018

7. You got the animals there on a technicality.

If you're being chased by an animal, just lay on the ground for 5 seconds. The 5 second rule will prevent the animal from eating you.

-- LifeAdviceLamp (@life_lamp) September 30, 2016

8. Ow fuck it's true.

If you stare at this picture more than 5 secs a cut appears on your top lip pic.twitter.com/mWu8y1kOlR

-- Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) April 26, 2018

9. Cherry by Halls, to be specific.

Him: You smell nice. What is that?

Me: [twirling my hair] Cough drops

-- Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) October 8, 2017

10. Somebody @ Neil DeGrasse Tyson and ask whats up with this shit.

my favorite thing is waking up naturally in the morning before my alarm goes off and feeling amazing only to accidentally fall back asleep and wake up again, this time feeling like i was hit by a bus

-- Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) April 26, 2018

11. MY LIMES

the one time i ever went to diceys i ordered a desperados and asked for a lime slice with it and the barman gestured to a pint glass full of lime slices but i was so drunk that i poured my bottle into the pint glass and started sipping away and then the barman shouted 'my limes!'

-- liam mac (@prince_n0kia) April 26, 2018

12. Damn dude we get it.

yea I'm a hardcore gamer pic.twitter.com/gzmVCp7LkG

-- Hard Drive (@HardDriveMag) October 3, 2017

13. Welcome to my house of luxury and fun. 

when someone enters the Google Doc with me pic.twitter.com/LOIklhrzKg

-- JuanPa (@jpbrammer) April 27, 2018

from CollegeHumor: Pictures https://ift.tt/2I5AkQD

اقرء المزيد

10 Dummies Who Clearly Didn't Read the Instructions Manual

Most things in life don't come with instructions and sometimes that can get a little conusing, if not downright baffling. But we're pretty sure you don't need a guide to tell you you shouldn't stick your dick in an electrical socket or iron your clothes while they're still on your body. 

If you're unclear on what should and shouldn't go in a microwave, then let us remind you of this: some things DO come with directions, please read them before you end up like one of these dingus-holes. 

1. "Can I still get a free packet of pretzels?"

via Hachikar

2. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

via luckydeville

3. Well, it's not a knife. 

via luckydeville

4. Oh, you!

via funnyjunk

5. Next year in red!

via goodtoknow

6. Someone may have taken the instructions a little literally. 

via thinkinghumanity

7. So close, Manuel ...

via djheskey

8. Drive ALL THE WAY THROUGH.

via knowyourmeme

9. No, I think you did it right. 

via headlikeanorange

10. At least you're not single anymore! 

via pinterest

from CollegeHumor: Pictures https://ift.tt/2rcq0f9

اقرء المزيد

13 People Trashier Than the Dump on a Hot Summer Day

Everyone knows that trashy doesn't descriminate against where you come from or how much money you have. Trashy is a state of mind that tells you "yeah, you can go barefoot into that Starbucks and yell at the staff!" and "I can and will change my baby's diaper on this restaurant table, yeah the one where you put your food". 

It's the people with a skull and flames tattoo on their forehead that was clearly done by someone in a backyard with no shirt or tattoo license. It's the oversharer on Facebook who likes to talk about how many times they've jerked it in the past 24 hours even though nobody asked or wants to hear about their cum sessions.

If you don't know what we're talking about, then look no further than this post, because we've got some fresh hot garbage people ready to stink up your day. 

1. This kid's name is 100% Chad and his mom let's him hold cigarettes. 

via Luisss13

2. Smart business proposal, Ronney. 

via RisenTech

3. It's okay to fight a pregnant woman if you too are also pregnant. 

via POSlTlVE

4. Setting the perfect example for their child.

via marktwain6522

5. This tattoo is SUPPOSED to look like shit!

via Styrofoamsolarsystem

6. Break-up goals.

via AnonymousKGBAgent

7. If he smells like shit...then he's probably shit. 

via pru13

8. WHY!

via whatsasnozberry

9. Uh, ma'am?

via ARoket

10. It's not cheating, it's just gross. 

via Ed_ButteredToast

11. Actually, this woman seems pretty rad. 

via Kayano905

12. I BLEED RED WHITE AND BLUE!

via Bobby_Thellere

13. She could scoop salsa with these nails. 

via K1nsey6

from CollegeHumor: Pictures https://ift.tt/2HGUbq8

اقرء المزيد

14 Spongebob Memes Danker Than a Kelp Forest

1. Just did it like 8 times no problem

source

2. No one can stop us

source

3. AND he ripped his pants

source

4. Nyehhh Squidward. Nyehhh Squidward.

source

5. He's now touring the country with Squeaky Boots

source

6. Please...be gentle

source

7. Unless it gets eaten by nematodes

source

8. Time to fire up those ride sharing apps

source

9. I'm far too smart for your foolish games

source

10. You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear those words

source

11. Sonofabitch

source

12. The inner machinations of his mind are an enigma

source

13. The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math

source

14. How many times must we teach you this lesson old lady

source

from CollegeHumor: Pictures https://ift.tt/2r9JvoM

اقرء المزيد