11 Christian Memes To Pray To Tonight & For Eternity

1. Do not be tempted or else.

AbijaZ

2. Stop toying with us, God.

Me trying not get frustrated with God's plans for my life pic.twitter.com/5udgQxJBBK

-- HJY (@HoodJesusYo) April 16, 2018

3. Let there be a good boy.

Jon2208

4. Hmm weird.

BruceDwayne1

5. This is what happens when sex before marriage isn't allowed.

Christian relationships...

First Date: Second Date: pic.twitter.com/bnEZiMFPdr

-- Jaron Myers (@jaronmyers) April 26, 2018

6. Jesus is always watching.

Mr_Tohtle

7. Theology professors gettin' ROASTED in here.

BruceDwayne1

8. Uhoh.

flareguy86

9. They went together like peanut butter and jelly. But..like this.

 liavz123

10. Nice try, Devil worshipper.

 liavz123

11. You may also call upon Jesus for free, any time.

Lord_Anime_Lover

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12 Clever Tumblr Posts Guaranteed To Amuse

1. This is far too believable.

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2. And also babies can immediately talk.

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3. Get the eff outta my house.

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4. Summed up very broadly, I guess.

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5. Hahaha

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6. Uncle Danny has some stories.

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7. I SAID NOT TODAY

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8. Anything materializing out of thin air will definitely gimme a spook.

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9. I guess that counts for something.

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10. Oh wow, actually makes way too much sense.

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11. This is the way to get the dark afraid of you.

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12. I think this is worth the choking hazard tbh

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The 13 Biggest Dick Moves You Can Do In Monopoly

Monopoly is not for the faint of heart....like, seriously I've lost friends over it. The whole game is full of potential ways that you can piss off your friends and I'm getting angry just thinking about some of them. The nice people at r/AskReddit had their users share the biggest dick moves they've ever encountered when playing the infamous board game. Their answers are....infuriating. Without any further ado, please enjoy: 

Editorial credit: txking / Shutterstock.com

1. applepwnz thinks outside of the factory issued box: 

I'd allow that as "counterfeiting" with an additional rule that if any player catches you adding your own Monopoly money to the game, you immediately get sent to jail and all of your properties are returned to the bank.

2. whirlpoohl's mom likes to gloat: 

My mom: as you land on her hotels and count thousands of dollars, she takes the money and says "nice doing business with you" with a shit eating grin

I'm sorry Ma but that makes me unreasonably angry

3. MadcapRecap is gonna make you run out of pieces: 

Stop at 4 houses on every property, rather than upgrading to hotels. You choke the supply and prevent others getting enough houses.

4. slapabrownman's wife is an evil genius: 

The wife will attempt to get one of every property. When she accomplished this goal she will refuse to trade with anyone unless it's the worst fucking deal In the history of the game.

Editorial credit: Anastasia Sokolenko / Shutterstock.com

5. jeremy1015's sister just wants to watch the world burn: 

I see a lot of people talking about houses. That's basic strategy. The real biggest dick move in Monopoly is making a hugely lopsided trade to strike back at someone who knocked you nearly out of the game.

My sister did this the last time I played Monopoly. I had three houses on the oranges and 4 on the light blues and was cruising to victory.

She hit me and lost basically all of her money, but didn't actually bankrupt. She was donezo as soon as she hit anything else and it was clear to everyone.

So she sold of her properties to her boyfriend for $1 to try and prevent me from winning more or less out of spite. Technically within the rules, but just a total asshole thing to do.

To me, this is the definition of poor sportsmanship and a dick move.

6. JV19's friend used the old "Airbud" defense: 

My friend hides his money because "nowhere in the rulebook does it say your money has to be visible"

7. NChSh knows what's up: 

Grabbing the dog/Scottish Terrier piece before anyone gets a chance to pick who they are, as it is clearly the best one

8. mattreyu covers all their dick move bases:

Insist on playing by all the rules, including no free parking money and auctioning properties. Buy all the houses but don't upgrade to hotels so nobody else can buy houses. If you play by the rules as intended, nobody is going to want to play a game with you again.

Editorial credit: CaseyMartin / Shutterstock.com

9. TheManicMonocle's mom used the biggest mom dick move there is: Guilt: 

One time my sister was asking me to forgive her rent and I said "'Oh, Mr. Scrooge, can you give us some more coal for the fire Mr. Scrooge??' The answer is no!"

10. Maverick314 didn't come here to make friends. They came here to win: 

Negotiate everyone to death... I spent an hour and a half negotiating a deal for a single property at one point

We don't play anymore

I won the game though, so it was worth

11. vnutellanutella keeps their dick moves simple 

Stealing money from the bank

12. HunrySmeth went literal with this one: 

floppin your dick out on the board

13. LexLuthorJr knows the only proper way to play Monopoly:

Thirty minutes in, trading everything you own to another player for $1 then quitting the game.

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13 People Share Their Creepiest Hotel Stories

Hotels are a notoriously scary story breeding ground. There's been tons of movies and TV shows where the creepiest of creepy shit goes down in a hotel setting, and it turns out this weird stuff happens in real life too, as these 13 people prove:

1. helpicantchooseauser -- Probably best not to watch The Shining while in an actual hotel room. 

Family vacation. 1am. My brother and I had just finished watching The Shining on TV. Neither of us had seen it before. We heard someone trying to open our door. No one else was supposed to have keys.

Someone tried to swing open the door, but the hotel lock stopped them. They kept trying to open it multiple times, banging the door against the lock. After a few tries, they gave up. The hotel desk clerk accidentally entered the wrong room for their keycards.

It was probably best way I saw The Shining. I can't be scared more than that from that movie.

2. chiefkhump -- Never go with the cheapest hotel. 2nd cheapest is where it's at.

Found a hotel in Yangon (Burma) the day we got there for pretty cheap. They mentioned the rates were low because maintenance was being done on several floors. We sleep fine, wake up and head to breakfast. At breakfast we met some Germans who had also stayed the night in our hotel. They said they had not slept well because during the middle of the night someone woke them up to move them from the floor they were on. We (us and the Germans) found out later that they had been moved because they were on one of the levels reserved for maintenance, and part of the maintenance included gassing the rooms for bugs. During the middle of the night they were just going around the rooms shoving the gas nozzle or whatever under the doors and letting them run; wound up killing the two people next to the Germans before they realized they'd accidentally booked people on that floor. We weren't on that floor thankfully but it has always stuck with me how seemingly easy it could've been to have gotten mixed up in that.

3. dontthinkdontthink -- Damn, very creepy. 

I was traveling out of the country right after finishing up a huge 5-day work event where I had about 10 hours of sleep total during the 5 days. 

I got to the motel, which is kinda run down and the carpet and blankets are damp but I'm so exhausted I don't even really think about it. 

I fall asleep pretty much immediately at like 8PM local time. 

At maybe 11pm or so, I get a call from the motel phone saying there's been a complaint about noise. I tell them that's impossible, I've been sleeping. They ask me if maybe it's someone else in the room and I tell them nope, I'm here alone so there's definitely no one else making noise. They ask me again if I'm sure I'm by myself and not causing any noise. I say yes again. Fall back asleep immediately. 

When I woke up and thought about it some more, I realize how weird the entire interaction was. There was absolutely no noise I could hear anywhere nearby and I don't know why the motel staff would need to clarify so many times that I was alone. 

Apparently they never called. So I assume it must've been someone calling the different rooms to see who was in the rooms and how many people. I've never been so glad to always always use the extra latch chain lock.

4. mmmannino -- Always latch those hotel locks. Always. 

My mom was traveling for work and sat next to a man (fellow business traveler) on the plane. They had a casual conversation and exchanged business cards. Later that evening she's in her hotel watching TV and gets a phone call from the front desk that her husband is here and they want to know if they can give him a key to the room. Turns out the creep on the plane was pretending to be her husband to try to get into her room.

5. commonvanilla -- This lady should not be in the hospitality industry. 

While in the isles of Scotland, we stayed in a B&B. It was owned by a couple. The bedrooms were extremely well done and beautiful, but on everything there was signs to not "touch". To use the shower, you would have to ask the couple and the Internet ended at 11pm. The woman would also check on everyone at random times in the night, we would hear creeping in the hallway to make sure "everyone was sleeping" and not doing any illegal things like using the Internet. When we checked out of her B&B, she came into our room and said that we "stunk", and opened the window to prove this and demanded for money immediately. Another traveller was kicked out of the B&B because the checkout time was 10am, and they were forced to stand outside (she wouldn't even let them stay inside) in the thunderstorm while their taxi came. Another traveller had to go a check (we were in an isolated place) to pay for the room and she took their bags and wouldn't give them back. But on the way out...she asked everyone if they enjoyed their stay!

6. takatori -- What the hell. 

In 1996 while air-drying naked after a shower lying on my hotel bed in Beijing with the curtains drawn, I received a call demanding I put on clothes.

7. sweetrhymepurereason -- Clearly members of Heaven's Angels

When I was 12, I was staying in a motel with my mom on a road trip. We were in the middle of nowhere in Texas at a motel that had a decent rating in our guidebook and was really cheap, so we went for it. In the middle of the night, the owner knocked on the door and told us we had to leave because he wanted the room for someone else (!!!) My mom was outside arguing with him while I was gathering our things, and I was terrified because I heard him start yelling. 

I looked out the window and saw about half a dozen bikers in vests appear out of nowhere (maybe a nearby room?) and start confronting the owner. My mom came inside quickly and we watched them start harassing the guy, things like "she's paid to be here. You're gonna let her stay tonight! We don't want to ever hear shit like this from you again!" And the owner was saying things like "I don't want any trouble!" 

Everybody left fairly quickly and we didn't ever hear anything about it the next day at checkout. We weren't able to sleep very well because we were so shook up, but it was better than getting in the car again. 

Thank you, anonymous biker gang.

8. redraymus -- She was absolutely lovely, aside from being a creepy ghost. 

A friend and I once stayed at a pretty fancy B&B for the night. The lady who owned it was absolutely lovely, but would appear out of no where. We'd be sitting alone in a large room with one doorway and suddenly she was in the room with us. Either this joint had secret doors or something really creepy was going on. She seemed to know things that we'd said or done as well. The thing that tripped us out the most was hearing someone trying to open our door during the night. She was super lovely and the building was beautiful, but we were relieved to check out the next morning!

9. whytakemyusername -- SpoOoOky ghoOoOst Turds. 

I toured around in bands a lot in my twenties, and not once but twice came back to my hotel room to find a turd in my shower. I was the only person with a key to the room. One was in Germany and one was in Belgium. Two years apart, completely separate tour and crew.

10. neverpennyless -- Haha, did not expect this one to have a happy ending. 

I arrive at a secluded, coastal hotel south of Marmaris Turkey around 2 AM. It had been a long day in Istanbul followed by a flight and long bus ride into Marmaris where I haggled with non-English-speaking taxi drivers... who were not even aware that this small resort exists. When the taxi pulls up to the hotel... it's on fire. When the owner, standing out front sees us he opens the taxi door excitedly, "You come. I have nice room for you!" I point out that the hotel is on fire but he simply gestures and says "Small fire. No problem. You come." I. Am. Utterly. Exhausted. I find myself following the owner into the hotel, stepping over fire hoses, waving away smoke, passing fire fighters as they run up and down a very nice staircase. We pause at the second floor landing and the owner tells me, "See. Fire only on this side of hotel. This side no fire. You come." My exhaustion removes every ounce of common sense and I follow him to a room down the hall. The room is indeed fire-free. I quickly scan the in-case-of-fire message on the back of the door, checked the window escape, and promptly pass out with my gear and boots on. In the morning I awake [alive] wondering if I dreamt the entire thing. I go down the smokey stairs past the charred other side of the hotel. The owner is so happy to see me [still alive] that he eats breakfast with me. 

I went back a few years later and the hotel had fully recovered.

11. Ghost_Farter -- Jesus, ok, I'm officially never staying at a B&B. 

Stayed in a B&B in Pennsylvania that seemed cute enough. They did have a wall of antique dolls in the main room but otherwise no signs of weirdness. 

That's until we were settled in the room. I noticed some scratches on the floor near a book case and after some inspection realized it was a secret door. When I asked the owner, who gave a creepy vibe if it worked he said yes and showed me that it opened to their office (which was a cluttered room with a computer and piles or crap). It had a lock on their side and when I asked if there was a lock on my side he smiled and said "no". When I showed some concern that there was an unlockable entrance to my room that was camouflaged that they didn't tell me about he just kept smiling. 

So that night no sex (fear of cameras) and I barricaded the fucking door and barely slept.

12. crow_man -- Let us all be grateful we are not covered in giant spiders and scorpions nightly. 

Was in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua last year. Massive spiders all over the room. Even woke up with a couple of little scorpions in my bed the first morning. Next night I'm sitting at the bar, drinking and chatting with a mate - feel a tickle on the back of my neck and think it's a mosquito or something. Brush the back of my neck and another motherfucking scorpion, this time wayy bigger, plops on the ground at my feet. Stared at it for a moment in shock, squealed like a girl, squashed it and kept drinking.

13. han-tyumi666 -- Thief 1, Stick 0

Once witnessed a thief breaking into cars in the parking lot from my hotel room window. Called the front desk and they had security go outside with a big ass stick. We had the bird's eye view as this security officer is searching for the thief and the thief is evading him. Unfortunately, the thief got away in his vehicle.

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11 Nihilistic Memes For Those Who Crave the Sweet Release of Death

If you understand that nothing in the world has a real, meaningful existence and that we're all just insignificant atoms floating around in a vacuum, then these memes are for you! Or not! Because nothing matters and we're all going to die someday! 

Or maybe you're just filled with teenage angst who just read Nietzsche for the first time and you're really into the notion that everyone just like, totally sucks and who even CARES? Some may call us nihilistic, but we say we're being incredibly pragmatic. 

Either way, try to enjoy these memes as much as you enjoy knowing death is the great equalize that comes for us all. 

You're welcome and have shitty day, friends.

1. Shoot for the stars, even if you miss you'll still suffocate in space. 

via DimitriTooProBro

2. Checkmate, scientists. 

via phucnguyen99

3. Wishes really do come true!

via CommunistPapaJohn

4. These are respectable goals. 

via shutupmikeginn

5. Praise JESUS my time has come. 

via badboycammyt

6. These are the best years of my life. 

via Furcules-2k

7. Exactly. 

via _DJKing_

8. WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME, MY LORD?

via ayeshaasiddiqi

9. I can't wait until the eternal slumber. 

via awkward_giraffe

10. Now this I can get behind. 

via lamebrowndude

11. I think I've made myself perfectly clear. 

via InternetHippo

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