Twitter can be a rough place - there's lots of harrassment, Nazis, threats, and general arguing and drama that you find in most places online. But also? Some pretty funny people, making some pretty funny tweets. Here are some of the best ones lately:
1. Well I do, but that's probably why I don't get invited to parties:
-- Eli Langer (@EliLanger) August 14, 2018
2. Does that mean we get to die in 7 days?:
This is straight up the plot of The Ring pic.twitter.com/WTl0AMxjGA
-- Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) August 15, 2018
3. #Relatable:
Her: I love you
-- your bff alex (@psybermonkey) August 13, 2018
Me: you know there are better people out there, right
4. I would watch this show:
[wheel of fortune]
-- cory (@_coryrichardson) August 13, 2018
me: i'd like to buy an owl
Pat Sajak: you mean a vowel
me: no someone said i could buy an owl
Pat: who
me: i just heard one
5: Don't get me started on the lyrics for "Grease Lightning":
When I was a kid, I thought the Grease lyric, "Won't go to bed 'til I'm legally wed" meant that the girl was so hellbent on getting married that she wouldn't sleep until she found a husband. Now, as a mature adult, I realize that it's about fucking
-- Willie Muse (@Williesillie2) August 15, 2018
6. Smarter than anything Elon Musk has uttered:
azealia banks has said a lot of problematic things, but using the phrase "pabst beer pussy" to describe grimes is not one of them
-- ☻ (@frigidbardot) August 13, 2018
7. Daily affirmation:
Reminder:
-- Italian Alex Pareene (@pareene) August 14, 2018
Other people are NOT your responsibility
It is OKAY if others get angry
If your actions cause other people harm that is GOOD
Other people are NOT real and do not feel pain
It is OKAY to stab others
The only thing you owe others is STAB WOUNDS
8. I doubt this will anger anyone:
very cool that they make condoms exclusively for jerking off now pic.twitter.com/Fs3IDExFB5
-- 🏆state champ🏆 (@HoudinisBoxers) August 14, 2018
9. Nobody thinks of the consequences when they say, "I'm gonna wreck it":
-- Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) August 14, 2018
10. Classic Moms:
My mom subtweeted me on fb pic.twitter.com/SCQP75azC6
-- 🅿︎🅰︎🆃 🆆🅸🆂🅴 (@patwiselive) August 15, 2018
11. It's Uncanny...
-- Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) August 14, 2018
12. I'm already crying:
COMEDY= a skeleton playin his ribs like a xylophone
-- Elvish Presley (@_ElvishPresley_) August 13, 2018
TRAGEDY= skeleton cant hear music bc he got bones for ears
from CollegeHumor: Pictures https://ift.tt/2MhV62z
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