12 Hilarious Tweets That Are Pure Gold

الجمعة، 30 مارس 2018

12 Hilarious Tweets That Are Pure Gold

1. Hey, stand up for what you believe it, I say.

I think she's at the wrong march pic.twitter.com/S1DpbkaXuR
-- pat tobin (@tastefactory) March 24, 2018

2. Would..would you stop?

imagine u fuckin someone in the shower and u look over and they have this soap pic.twitter.com/rDJI85moHu
-- LIL PHAG (@elijahdaniel) March 29, 2018

3. A solid compromise.

I wanted it to be a crop top but I didn't want to lose her beautiful legs... pic.twitter.com/G3tZYzGJYM
-- NANACOMIC (@verygoodnana) March 28, 2018

4. So weird that I never get any calls back.

interviewer: zzzz
me: [quietly] I suppose my main weakness is sneaking into people's houses at night and whispering in their sleeping ear
-- MꙬse Allain (@MooseAllain) September 21, 2016

5. That's a lot of overlap.

Look, I'm not saying I understand it, I'm just saying it's 100% true pic.twitter.com/ran6yBWRHP
-- Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) March 26, 2018

6. I must warn people not to expect this, though.

Sometimes taking the risk pays off pic.twitter.com/AQzzrIVaXB
-- Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) March 28, 2018

7. I'm sure they'll show up sooner or later.

As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me
-- Brynnester (@brynnester) August 11, 2017

8. Shoulda went with longies.

REJECTED NAMES FOR ARMS:
*Longies
*Hand holders
*Reverse legs
*Elbow tentacles
*Swingers
*Punch machines
*Hug factories
*Orms
-- Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 10, 2013

9. Just BLEW their FUCKING MIND

11 year old me writing 'and then i woke up, it was just a dream' at the end my creative story in english pic.twitter.com/9yS5Uo2wS0
-- Helena (@helenacope) March 27, 2018

10. That's probably not a good sign.

My toddler just yelled, "I'm not crazy!" at whoever he was pretending to talk to on his phone
-- Josh (@iwearaonesie) March 28, 2018

11. Busting into dance may alarm her even more.

*walking past a woman down a dark street at night*

Me: quick act as gay as possible so she doesn't feel threatened pic.twitter.com/1sQ27hCicF
-- 🍟 SAM 🍟 (@Sam_Plommer) March 27, 2018