11 Hilarious Tweets That Will Improve Your Day

الخميس، 2 نوفمبر 2017

11 Hilarious Tweets That Will Improve Your Day

If you're having a mediocre day, these tweets will make it ever-so-slightly better. But also maybe not. Who the hell knows? I don't know you.

1. Crazy if true.

Me: hey did you buy '100 Count Tennis Balls' from Amazon?
Wife: no
Dog: *pretending to read newspaper*
-- Ygrene (@Ygrene) November 1, 2017

2. There's always a loophole.

GENIE:3 wishes
ME:Can I wish for more?
G:No
M:I wish u couldn't count
G:Done. How many do u have left?
M:A billion
G:
M:
G:That sounds right
-- MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) October 15, 2017

3. Well, the secrets out.

girlfriend: you never tell me what's going on inside your head

meanwhile, inside my head: http://pic.twitter.com/SUf1wm3wlg
-- Zachary Fox (@zackfox) October 30, 2017

4. Damn, lucky.

Not trying to brag but my son's teacher wants his artwork to be looked at by a psychologist
-- Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) October 31, 2017

5. They're not 'gross,' you're gross.

Stop fat-shaming trucks http://pic.twitter.com/rTf2wMaVZ9
-- REW (@therealeatwood) May 16, 2016

6. Every night.

Alex Trebek: (into mirror) Who is alex trebek
-- kid block (@senderblock23) August 21, 2015

7. R-E-S-P waiiiit a minute.

spelling bee judge: your word is respect
me: can you use it in...a song
spelling bee judge: nice try
-- Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) September 15, 2017

8. Carbon Bar!!

[my wife to everyone at the pool party] pls don't tell him, he's never known the truth
[me loudly as I jump off the diving board] CABIN BALL
-- Ygrene (@Ygrene) September 2, 2017

9. Yeah living well seems like a ton of work, whereas brakes is like snip you're done.

"living well is the best revenge". yeah but obviously im not gonna do that. whats the second best. cutting their brakes, right
-- derek (@eedrk) February 6, 2017