1. A pressing message from beyond the grave
Paid £25 for a psychic to tell me ma grandma says to turn off the tele before I go to bed to save electricity.
-- Laura May Wilde (@wildeweirdo) September 15, 2017
2. You're just asking to be haunted at that point
Anycunt that sleeps with their bedroom door opens a heedcase that's just asking a ghost tae slam it
-- Fraser (@frazmcn) September 13, 2017
3. What am I supposed to do now, eat JUST yogurt?
what fat gimp in ma fuckin family did this http://pic.twitter.com/HNaDwkDpmw
-- primal scheme (@pcon666) December 16, 2016
4. *ba dum tiss*
Just tried fo change my password to Beefstew1 but they said it wasny stroganoff
-- Andy (@andyirvine6) September 18, 2017
5. Speaking words doesn't cut shit :/
sign language blows ma mind folk actual communicate by cutting shapes to each other
-- DT (@dov97) September 16, 2017
6. Only the fastest deserve the crown
Still canny believe the queen won that marathon, wee lightning mcqueen http://pic.twitter.com/8Z15V8L4KK
-- Ross Whiteheeeed (@_rosswhitehead) September 4, 2017
7. Tollhouse, you've sabotaged me
Got a Parkin ticket so bought cookie dough on the way home to make masel feel better n crashed right inty the back a somecunt tryn to eat it
-- Hayleigh Quinn (@hayleighquinn) September 12, 2017
8. I'm gonna have to get an expert on these
Watching Pawn Stars. Imagine a Scottish version. Cunts in Helly Hansen jackets turning up to sell a Playstation 2 and Fifa 05
-- Scotty (@ScottyRFC) September 13, 2017
9. (louder, stronger) *ba dum tiss*
Somecunt broke intae ma gaff last night n stole ma limbo trophy, how low can ye get fs
-- Tam Mccomb (@MccombThomas) September 4, 2017
10. I'm just a common squire
Hate when u ask some1 if they've heard a song n they go "what does it go like" n they expect you to start beltin it out like ur fuckin Adele
-- Liam Turnbull (@liamturnbull15) September 11, 2017
11. Aged to perfection though
mum offered me a bottle of vodka they've had for ages nd had to say no cus i know it's 70% water from me stealing it when i was 16
-- Ailsa Harper (@ailsaharper1) September 2, 2017
12. ...hey me neither
Never ever seen a goth drive
-- Davie (@daviekane1996) September 2, 2017
13. You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the spicy legend
In McDonald's and the girl shouted to the back 'need a spicy legend' and a wee guy shouted back 'I'm right here doll' 😂
-- Paula Ramsay (@plouise16) December 18, 2016
14. How is it possible this person exists on this planet
via laserprisim
from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/2xWOlvx
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