1.
First date:
-- TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) February 17, 2017
*Don't let her know you're a bunch of cats in a person suit*
Date: "what are your hobbies?"
*slowly pushes wine glass off table*
2.
In 2017 school is yahoo answers and health insurance is gofundme
-- Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 11, 2017
3.
'No - use my full name.'
-- Jersey (@better_off_dad) February 16, 2017
~Me, during sex
4.
Do you think Matt Damon is ever like "Sometimes wish I'd never been Bourne at all..." ?
-- Adam Rotstein (@madamepotstein) February 14, 2017
5.
[Ouija Board]
-- REW (@therealeatwood) August 14, 2016
Me: Spirit, answer this one question--do you like me?
Board: R E A D 1 2 : 3 7 P M
6.
In the mood to re-share my favorite photo of all time: a divorcing couple splitting up their Beanie Babies in court in 1999 http://pic.twitter.com/YuOZbJEdW5
-- Sean Morrow (@snmrrw) February 17, 2017
7.
[we both wake up in a panic]
-- infinity plus one (@stuckinaportal) February 17, 2017
her: i dreamed you died
me: I DREAMED YOU LEFT ME ALONE AT THE GROCERY CHECKOUT LINE TO GRAB ANOTHER ITEM
8.
True mark of adulthood: instead of your parents scheduling your doctor's appointments, you just avoid going to the doctor & hope u don't die
-- Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) August 27, 2014
9.
Me listening to the news http://pic.twitter.com/UHm5CdZbAR
-- jon (@senderblock23) February 17, 2017
10.
Sometimes I like to pretend I'm on undercover boss and I'm the boss and it calms me
-- Christina (@xtinalou) February 16, 2017
11.
A dog is in my studio apartment and he keeps looking around for other rooms. I wish i was doing a little better too dude !
-- shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) February 16, 2017
12.
[quietly mumbles this to myself and puts bottle in my shopping cart] http://pic.twitter.com/r8XeowLpIJ
-- Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) January 31, 2017
from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/2m4mj7i
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