1.
We built this city on rock and roll and it's caused nothing but problems ever since.
-- Mike O'Brien (@MikeOBrienXOXO) July 12, 2013
2.
can someone tell the ghosts of my ancestors that pre-marital sex is like kinda cool now?
-- Jo Firestone (@kingfirestorm) May 3, 2016
3.
Just say no to drugs. Unless its weed or mushrooms cause they're chill.Also cocaine can be fun once in awhile. Only do heroin like twice max
-- Gavin Speiller (@gavinspeiller) September 2, 2016
4.
I WANT TO ROCK AND ROLL ALL TIME AND PART LEAVES EVERY MAY
-- Ziwe (@ziwe) January 22, 2016
5.
Never sold drugs or been run off my corner but somebody switched my desk chair while I was gone and that's pretty much the same thing
-- yc (@yc) September 22, 2016
6.
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away but not right this second, I am on the phone with the dentist
-- Jewel Galbraith (@jewelfg) June 15, 2015
7.
Kids today learn about sex and Alexander Hamilton much sooner than I did.
-- Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) August 24, 2016
8.
The old-person equivalent of cocaine is checking and discovering it is before 10pm.
-- Pat Cassels (@patrick_cassels) August 6, 2016
9.
If you are wearing a bluetooth at 2am, please say hi to the drugs for me
-- Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 26, 2015
10.
my favorite part of sex? uhhh definitely the part when i [my hand shaking nervously as i take out a wrinkled note from my pocket] crumb
-- Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) September 19, 2016
11.
please no gifts but if you must we are registered at sex offenders
-- Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 1, 2016
12.
wife: honey come quick! our baby is about to do his first ironic post online
-- eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) August 16, 2016
baby: smoke weed bitch ha ha lol :)
me: [tears of joy]
13.
Made a shirt for REAL fans of rock and roll http://pic.twitter.com/etYqtP1aua
-- Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) July 18, 2014
14.
WHY TYPECASTING IS BAD: I never thought people boning behind a Kohls would practice safe sex & YET this used condom I found PROVES OTHERWISE
-- H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) August 4, 2016
15.
[my wife & i catch our son smoking weed]
-- Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 17, 2016
ME: i'll talk to him
[wife walks away]
ME: we're very disa--ok shes gone. when did u get so fkn cool
16.
when people in movies rub their gums w their fingers, is that about cocaine or is it to get the last bit of melty chocolate off their hands
-- Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) May 10, 2016
from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/2d767xx
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