17 Tweets About Jobs To Help Get You Through Yours

If you're reading tweets about work, does that count as working by proximity?

1.

once I screamed b/c I saw a bird in my house & my dad said "DID U GET A JOB?!" & I had to be like I have 2 pieces of disappointing news 4 u

-- Broti Gupta (@BrotiGupta) May 31, 2016

2.

Being a paleontologist is so easy, the entire job is basically just naming things and theorizing like, "Maybe raptors had big buttholes."

-- SEAN O'CONNOR (@seanoconnz) May 31, 2016

3.

[job interview]
"tell me about yourself"
I murdered my old boss
"haha we all make mistakes"
Then I opened a vape shop
"get out"

-- dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 27, 2016

4.

Waiting staff interview

"Can you wait until a customer has a mouthful of food and then ask them if their meal's ok?"
"Sure"
"You're hired!"

-- Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 11, 2016

5.

i hate having to explain in every single job interview that the 1 year gap on my résumé is from when i was celebrating the Year Of Luigi

-- Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) May 4, 2016

6.

That (1) in my inbox could either mean my dream job came through or that there are some bad concerts going on in a city I used to live in

-- Adam Rotstein (@madamepotstein) May 24, 2016

7.

It is someone's job to tell pop stars in the recording studio to mispronounce common English words for cool effect.

-- Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 27, 2016

8.

(at the custody hearing)
Judge: have you found a job to provide for ur kids?
Me: yes. i started an instagram for my fucked up looking dog

-- Ben Cahn (@Buncahn) May 23, 2016

9.

I truly believe this is my dream job because my teeth just fell out and I'm back in high school for some reason

-- Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) May 23, 2016

10.

Trying to get job as an NBA announcer just so I can unveil my description of bank shots as "Usin' the sneezeguard."

-- Dan Cronin (@croninwhocares) May 24, 2016

11.

I'm like a superhero in that the person I am when I'm at my day job is totally different than the person I am when I'm not.

-- (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 20, 2016

12.

I think a dude named Chuck just got fired by bumper sticker. http://pic.twitter.com/iXMKbXn5MZ

-- Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 4, 2016

13.

If you never show up for work, you get "fired," after which you REALLY never show up for work. NOW who's the boss?

-- donni (@donni) April 25, 2016

14.

I like to do "drugs" and by drugs I mean "work." Get to work kids!!!

-- Amir Khan (@AmirismyBFF) January 28, 2016

15.

only in America would we elect someone world famous for saying "you're fired" in the hopes that he'll create jobs

-- Albro FLAMEoftheWEST (@bromanconsul) March 3, 2016

16.

JOB INTERVIEWER: Are you good with multitasking?
ME: Yeah I can watch a movie while looking at web sites on my phone, and also eating food

-- pat tobin (@tastefactory) May 19, 2016

17.

Boss: Your resume is just pics of you petting dogs?
Me: That is correct.
Boss: [visibly excited] w-what's this little guy's name?

-- james nielssen (@cool_as_heck) February 5, 2016

from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/215OVer