11 Top Notch, Very Good Tweets To Brighten Your Day

1. "TAKING A BIG SHIT, TAKING A BIG DUMP, TAKING A BIG...TURD!"

TAKING A BIG SHIT http://pic.twitter.com/MgTQ9xhOws

-- ORIN :( (@orinanne) January 16, 2018

2. Tweet of the year.

WATCH: Sen. Orrin Hatch removes a pair of glasses he's not wearing http://pic.twitter.com/QXCCb4RHzn

-- Jon Levine (@LevineJonathan) January 16, 2018

3. F**k y**, j*rk.

I saw a bumper sticker that said "I Don't Give A F**K." Nothing says not giving a fuck quite like using asterisks.

-- Sarcasticsapien (@Sarcasticsapien) January 7, 2018

4. Starbucks, please respond.

.@Starbucks you're employee refused to make a poisoned coffee for my dog to ease his pain

-- ruined snake (@punished_picnic) January 16, 2018

5. Hate it when that happens.

[spits out tide pod]
"But if that was in my mouth..."
[cut to me placing a piping hot lasagna into my washing machine]

-- Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) January 16, 2018

6. Can't be sensitive to lactose if you don't know it's there.

me ignoring my body's increasing sensitivity to lactose http://pic.twitter.com/BVgpV3alGR

-- Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) January 14, 2018

7. It's like we're there.

[mouthing to ex-wife at divorce hearing]: can I get a ride home?

-- your new dad (@drankturpentine) January 15, 2018

8. Truly upsetting.

literally appalled "the snowman" has won nothing. he gave you all the clues. ALL. THE. CLUES.

-- Megan Amram (@meganamram) January 8, 2018

9. Just another day.

me + all my friends gathering around the bad news trough for another day of terrible bad news http://pic.twitter.com/d2yhE87IWP

-- Anna Swartz (@Anna_Snackz) January 26, 2017

10. These biceps are pure butter, baby.

I don't have any handsome celebrity doppelgängers but sometimes people mistake weight I've recently gained for muscle and that is always fun

-- Adam Rotstein (@madamepotstein) January 5, 2018

11. It shouldn't be so difficult.

*looks at Mac-n-Cheese instructions seventeen times*

*throws box away*

*looks in garbage can to read instructions again*

-- Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) January 16, 2018

from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/2mQlSAd