1.
me when i'm adding chopped onions, garlic, and assorted vegetables to my 99 cent pack of ramen noodles http://pic.twitter.com/KiOdwthDPI
-- Tommy Rosiers (@tommyrosiers) May 31, 2017
2.
Prank your dog by loosening his collar a bit everyday and googling "shrinking dog syndrome" while he's on your lap
-- andrew chamings (@AndrewChamings) June 1, 2017
3.
95% of having a job is just saying "sounds good!"
-- Jessica Misener (@jessmisener) June 1, 2017
4.
[the ring]
-- the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) June 2, 2017
naomi watts: if you watch this video you'll die in 7 days
me: do you have one that'll kill me in 1
5.
going to go see Wonder Woman and if it turns out Wonder Woman's mom isn't named Martha I'm fucking leaving
-- Real Chip Zdarsky (@zdarsky) June 2, 2017
6.
ugh I really thought I had something there tbh http://pic.twitter.com/BeNlXQyVKd
-- Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) June 2, 2017
7.
[First date]
-- GogglePossum (@gogglepossum) March 22, 2017
Her: so what do you do?
Sauron: 🔥👁🔥
Her: ok...fancy some wine?
S: 🔥👁🔥
Her: look this isn't working
S: 🔥👁💧🔥
8.
[me as a DJ]
-- Jennathan (@Jennuflect) September 18, 2015
Where my single ladies at?
*drunk responses*
This one's for you
*turns off music, serious tone*
This is a bad place to meet men
9.
"You've got a missed call"
-- VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) June 1, 2017
I know, I was staring at my phone as I was missing it
10.
If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer.
-- Jess (@jessokfine) April 3, 2015
11.
Current fitness level: arm is tired from brushing teeth.
-- Angie B (@Angibangie) April 12, 2016
12.
LADY: My cat won't stop mewling
-- Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) March 1, 2017
ME: It's okay, I'm a cat whisperer
LADY: Oh, great
ME {whispering to cat}: shut the hell up
from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/2qTyKJY
0 التعليقات: