21 Clever Tweets That Will Make You Laugh

الثلاثاء، 10 مايو 2016

21 Clever Tweets That Will Make You Laugh

The Meek Mill inherit the earth.
-- Collin Klug (@CollinKlug) August 3, 2015

My mindfulness meditation is so on point rn I feel rn af rn.
-- Arish Singh (@arishish) May 15, 2015

If u broke up with ur gf/bf who works at a salad bar u can use the line "lettuce romaine friends" for the low price of my student loans
-- Toler Wolfe (@oswolfe) December 30, 2015

"Hey, this is that song I recorded with 50 Cent in 2003!"
- The Game recognizing The Game
-- Geoffrey Asmus (@filthyson) February 11, 2016

God is my copilot.

Which, I guess, makes me the pilot.

You know, God's boss.
-- Dana Gould (@danagould) February 2, 2016

"Hey, this is that song I recorded with 50 Cent in 2003!"
- The Game recognizing The Game
-- Geoffrey Asmus (@filthyson) February 11, 2016

I'm not religious but I believe in good korma http://pic.twitter.com/EI6Bz8oqW5
-- Rekha PRANKar (@rekhalshankar) March 4, 2016

*walks into bank*
"Everyone get down... on yourselves! You're all trash!!!"
*leaves bank*

Another successful bank snobbery. :)
-- Andrew Michaan (@AndrewMichaan) February 23, 2016

My life coach keeps benching me and putting his son in.
-- Junior Stopka (@Juniorstopka) December 20, 2015

10.

TBH = To Be Honest
TBD=To Be Determined
TBS= Very Funny!

File a motion to laugh with Franklin & Bash every Thursday this Fall.
-- Joe Alden McMahon (@JoealdenMcMahon) February 27, 2016

11.

Dad: "GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!"

Child: *storms off* "JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!"

Dad: "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS!?"
-- Jake Lambert (@LittleLostLad) November 27, 2013

12.

Why did they make Courteney Cox?
Because Lisa Kudrow.
-- Scriblit (@Scriblit) July 31, 2013

13.

Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!" Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.
-- James Martin (@Pundamentalism) March 1, 2013

14.

I must be ill - I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it was actually a seabird. I think I've taken a tern for the wurst.
-- Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) November 20, 2013

15.

Why are they called territorial disputes and not ground beef
-- Tugboat (@mattytalks) January 7, 2014

16.

Jasmine, why are you on a roof?

I'm waiting for Beyonce's surprise album to drop.

You know it doesn't drop from the heavens right?

Shhhh
-- Jasmine Pierce (@jasminecomedy) April 13, 2016

17.

And the award for best neckwear goes to..
Well would you look at that, it's a tie
-- Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) May 18, 2014

18.

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I swear I'll pay you back once my ear replicating business gets off the ground.
-- Nathan Yaffe (@AtNathanYaffe) July 11, 2015

19.