1.
"I'm still upset about my breakup."
-- Mark Little (@markmarklittle) May 13, 2016
"Hey there's plenty of fish in the sea."
"Yeah."
"Bass...trout..."
"Salmon."
"Lotta fish."
"Cod."
"Cod!"
2.
[at the happiest point of my life, living my dreams]
-- Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 11, 2016
ME: ok this breakup playlist is still giving me life
3.
THIS ONE TRICK WILL HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, REFOCUS YOUR CAREER, DEEPEN FRIENDSHIPS, AND HAVE THE BEST SEX IN YEARS
-- Shea (@sheastrauss) January 13, 2016
[get dumped.]
4.
Lawyer: did your boyfriend commit the crime?
-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) May 9, 2016
Girlfriend: honey he can't even commit to this relationship
Entire jury: OH SNAP
5.
my favorite part about dating is after it's over when the person is reduced back down to your first impression of them
-- Ingrid Ostby (@ingridostby) May 11, 2016
6.
mad love to everyone who's ever dumped me ex cetera
-- Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 29, 2015
7.
WIFE: [finding lipstick on my collar] what the hell
-- Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) March 30, 2015
*flashback to me wearing lipstick & dancing alone to beyonce*
ME: uh im cheating on u
8.
People who say "don't hate the player hate the game" are working under the wildly false assumption that I am unable to hate 2 things at once
-- Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) April 17, 2016
9.
Why is there no box for "revenge" under weight loss goals
-- Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) March 14, 2016
10.
the stages of a breakup:
-- thomas violence (@thomas_violence) October 5, 2015
1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. taking pictures of everything you do to make sure people know you're having fun
11.
Relationships are just anteing up on each other's crazy until one person decides the pot is too big and folds.
-- shelby fero (@shelbyfero) April 15, 2016
12.
Dying alone because you have high standards is better than dying next to someone who sucks.
-- Jasmine Pierce (@jasminecomedy) February 23, 2016
from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/27kn27l
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