16 Brilliant Tweets You'll Wish You Thought Of

1.

If I owned an island, I would 100% call it: "Isle Of Itwhenyoucallmebigpoppa."

-- Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) August 1, 2014

2.

[normal life]
ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week
[packing for vacation]
hmmm. i'll prob change a few times a day so thats...32 shirts

-- jomny sun (@jonnysun) July 5, 2016

3.

[God creating dogs]

Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point

-- Ygrene (@Ygrene) March 31, 2016

4.

I want to be rich enough that when complimented on my Star Wars t-shirt I can give it to them revealing the exact same t-shirt underneath.

-- Katrina (@EyeSeeYou619) October 26, 2016

5.

The movie about this period in history is gonna be epic

-- Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) November 20, 2016

6.

How poetry is it? http://pic.twitter.com/hTpiFwzmBR

-- Parker Higgins (@xor) January 17, 2017

7.

[At dinner w girlfriend's parents] "Watch this" *pretends to play plate like tambourine* *her dad gives her a secret thumbs up but I see it*

-- pat tobin (@tastefactory) March 27, 2014

8.

I think the scoreboard "noise meters" at sporting events are fake, why is neither party talking about this.

-- Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) January 16, 2017

9.

The only person who's honest with me is my caricature artist

-- Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 8, 2016

10.

lost big at the horse races tonight, they're all so much faster than me

-- shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) January 7, 2017

11.

Every single person who has ever walked on the moon has died.

We must find a cure for the moon before it kills again.

-- Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) January 17, 2017

12.

*pulls over to let the Dominos car pass like it's an ambulance*

-- Caetano Bravo (@cbdoubleu) October 14, 2016

13.

Rules for my car
-No food
-I pick the music
-Must put this mask on
-Feet off dash
-Here take this gun
-We're robbing a bank
-Dont be a pussy

-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) April 18, 2015

14.

[1st date, opening scene of star wars]
ME: *leans over* those are the stars
DATE: thanks
ME: but you have to wait for the wars

-- Ally Gator (@notacroc) January 9, 2017

15.

Did this really happen http://pic.twitter.com/a6KNGFWq1G

-- Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) December 23, 2016

16.

Ladies, if an obnoxious guy keeps insisting you give him your number, take his phone like you're adding your info, then Venmo yourself $4000

-- Rob Fee (@robfee) March 25, 2016

from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/2jwirhm