1.
If you like Talking, you might also enjoy Shutting Up. It's like Talking except you don't fuck up everything all the time forever and ever.
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) September 3, 2016
2.
I always thought becoming a comedian would fix all my problems and have me swimming in pussy and I was right! Hooray!
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) January 5, 2015
3.
When bae refuses to pay the 2.5 cents per gallon on all molasses imports mandated by The Tariff Act of 1789. http://pic.twitter.com/UpHYINDmY1
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) March 2, 2016
4.
People throw the word "love" around a lot. And they also throw around the thing "frisbee" around a lot.
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) October 27, 2013
5.
Death had me like... http://pic.twitter.com/qWwWskBfC7
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) April 2, 2015
6.
BILLION DOLLAR IDEA: Movie postquels. They're like prequels except they show what happens NEXT, wait, whoops, nevermind.
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) August 19, 2014
7.
If we evolved from monkeys then why are there still monkeys that won't have sex with me?
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) December 8, 2013
8.
A real man can admit when he's wrong. A fake man can do anything you want him to do because he's fake, so it's not much of a competition.
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) October 5, 2013
9.
Life isn't about having the biggest house or the fanciest car - it's about having the biggest, fanciest hat!
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) January 20, 2014
10.
I'm gonna be a father! Not sure when exactly but my adult son just stepped out of a time machine and spat in my face!
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) December 28, 2013
11.
Very excited to perform at the University of Delaware tomorrow night for the incoming freshman. SAY NO TO DRUGS AND YES TO DICK JOKES. #UDel
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) August 23, 2013
12.
It'll be so strange having kids. "Dad, what's a VCR?" "Dad, who was David Letterman?" "Dad, who's my mom?" "Dad, why do you cry so often?"
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) October 2, 2013
13.
Doctor said he had good news and bad news. Good news was that he found nothing in my butt. Bad news was that he wasn't a doctor.
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) July 18, 2013
14.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush because they're both worth nothing you weirdo.
-- Bo Burnham (@boburnham) July 1, 2013
BONUS: Some side-splittin' Bo Vines.
from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/2dXNXUs
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