12 Tweets To Brighten Up Your Bleak Existence

الثلاثاء، 6 ديسمبر 2016

12 Tweets To Brighten Up Your Bleak Existence

Cheer up, y'all. We've got just what you need.

1.

big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. but the other ones were too small to contain men. so what the fuck
-- wint (@dril) November 8, 2013

2.

If someone says "happy holidays" to you this year remind them that they are in America & there is no such thing as happiness.
-- David Hughes (@david8hughes) December 5, 2016

3.

[Batman at McDonald's]
What's your chicken sandwich called?
-A McChicken
And the rib?
-A McRib
[pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.
-- (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 1, 2015

4.

when u find a dog at the party http://pic.twitter.com/Cu98i1ZFN6
-- Baby Animals (@BabyAnimalPics) December 5, 2016

5.

Is it weird to think about mac and cheese during sex?

Ma'am, I just tear the movie tickets. But yes, it's weird.
-- Kat Fir (@unravelingfire) December 30, 2015

6.

Nietzsche: God is dead
God: Nietzsche is dead
[they both turn to camera]
THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT OUR MATTRESS PRICES
-- Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) September 29, 2015

7.

put this on my headstone http://pic.twitter.com/lQcdnkcZ8M
-- Amir Khan (@AmirismyBFF) December 1, 2016

8.

You like balloon animals?
Don't forget they're full of clown breath.
You're just carrying around the sighs of a man in full make up.
-- Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) November 14, 2016

9.

"Fries or salad?" sums up every adult decision you have to make
-- Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 4, 2016

10.

me: goodnight moon :)
moon: night<3
me: goodnight stars :)
moon: wtf
me: sry wrongnumber
moon: whos stars
moon: who is stars
moon: answer me
-- jomny sun (@jonnysun) October 21, 2014

11.

What excuse does Alvin have for not responding to his dad throughout that Chipmunks Christmas song. Respect your fucking father
-- Ryan Creamer (@ryguyguyry) November 24, 2016

12.

[Shark Tank]

Her: I sell seashells
Kevin O'Leary: Mhmm
H: By the seashore
K: By the seashore
H: Yea
K: Where seashells are free
H: I... umm
-- Ryan Dillon (@TheRyanDillon) August 17, 2016