today I would describe my aesthetic as having emerged from a cocoon that didn't work.
-- Rebecca Caplan (@RabbiReba) December 7, 2014
The fact that children wake up at 5am makes me infertile.
-- Jasmine Pierce (@jasminecomedy) January 6, 2016
Hey actors, terrible job waking up to an alarm in every movie ever.
-- Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) January 31, 2016
If you love free continental breakfast so much then why don't you Marriott.
-- jerm (@JermHimselfish) December 8, 2015
Nothing like a refreshing morning shower to go over in excruciating detail all of the mistakes you've made in your entire life
-- Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 29, 2016
One advantage of a freezing cold January day is waking up to the sound of my dry skin cracking.
-- Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 7, 2016
[waking up from long nap]
...
from CollegeHumor: Pictures http://ift.tt/21wUCRZ
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